If I could, I would like to take a picture of what goes on in my mind and heart. There has been so many things and it is easy to be overwhelmed...The Lord has been telling me to do things, things that I too want to do but am afraid to do. As a 20 year old, my life has been most different from my peers. Most would think my GPS system has gone hay wired. "You're not thinking of Uni? Aren't you missing out too much in life?" These questions are repeated over and over again as people give me their opinions on how I need to be living my life.
"Your life is so uncertain" a friend remarked.... that, I could not agree more. But it's only through these uncertainties, all these unknowns, that God brings me through this 'school of trust'. Sometimes I do wonder when I'll finally learn this lesson and all these hard test won't be necessary.
I'm going through a faith stretching season of waiting. As most of you would know from a previous post, I feel that it's time I need to be better equipped in God's word to be more effective out here on the mission field. I've visited 2 Bible Colleges back in Spore, I've all the application forms laid out before me but I don't know. I'm tired of being held back by my own fears, especially of being probably the youngest. I wish God would appear in my dreams tonight and clearly tell me "yes" that is where I want you to be next year or "no" I've something else for you to do!
My only certainty is in the Lord... away questions! away doubts! Trust God who has promised to guide! "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him." Ps 62:5
‘Cause it’s been fear that ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, Your love, that cuts the strings
(Nichole Nordeman, “Brave”)
3 comments:
Keep trusting and obeying girl! There isn't a safer place to be than the center of His perfect will! I know how you feel, I had great struggles and worries, and I still do sometimes! But God has proven Himself faithful and how blessed we are when we obey and honor Him. Great will be your reward... Don't think for a minute that you escaped His notice! =)
I know how you feel, Lydia.
I go through bouts of uncertainty and fear too. Many times I wish that God's direction would be clearer, or more straightforward... And while its nice to spend time with friends and relatives, sometimes their questions and remarks do discourage me as well.
I suppose I don't have any wise words to say, only that I know that because He is our Good Shepherd, He will surely guide us.
Will keep you in my prayers.
You know, you 2 girls have been the ones I've always looked up to esp in our SEAsia side. I guess that's beause firstly, you are older and I know that you know exactly how I feel cos you've been thru these times or are still going thru them. Most importantly Jesus is so evident in your lives!
Thank you for your words of encouragement!
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